I'm working on making decisions about my healthcare at the moment. One decision that has to be made is who will I turn to for a particular medication prescription? Any doctor can write a script. However, most of them don't want to write scripts for a field that they are not involved with. So, I have to figure out if seeing a psychiatrist is really the best option. It's not that insurance won't cover me, but it's the question of will this doctor work with me and family and not slam the door in anyone's face? And will I be pressured to go back to therapy? My most current experiences with that alone have left me sad, frustrated, and deeply concerned. I've been blown off since I was 12. How do I know it won't happen again? This is another risk I take. And when I thought deeply about this last night, I realized that no matter what the therapists say, God would be the ultimate judge. Those who have hurt me in the past will be judged for it all by Him. I don't really think I need therapists to validate this, or my feelings about it, which is why I think I'll take the meds and run, thanks. I don't owe anyone an explanation. I have pills to take, and that's all.

My hope is that I can take the doctor's advice, hook up with the psychiatrist he recommended, and not play cat and mouse. I can just get my scripts, and leave the office without any explanation or questions asked. At least, this is my hope in the whole thing. Meantime, God can get me through the validation of thoughts, feelings, and actions. This is how I make peace with everything. Turn to God. Of course, the Montrose Counseling Center is also an option for a referral up here. Someone who clearly deals, as a friend said, with the whole person. I'll continue to think and pray, and hope for the best. It's all I can do anyway.