LOL....today is a day to let some emotion out. Elisabeth's birthday on the show The View and her baby brother doing a serenade. Too bad my baby brother is in June Sky and I'll never have that sort of thing again. I teary eyed up a bit for a couple of minutes. He's 4 years younger, November 15, 1979. He'd be 30 this year, with big sis turning 34 on November 26, 1975. The good that comes out of me missing him is ADD, CP/DID, and more. He knew I was different, and I him, and we meshed. His life still matters to me, and always will. The boy loved to dance. Souja Boy Tell Em would have been a great serenade. Maybe I'll still do it. LOL. And then, top it with Boom....Boom...Pow. Followed by some Kanye, BIggie, Jam Master J, and more. The boy and I loved rap. Two white kids from the equivalent of the ghetto projects in TX....cuz it was Daddy's discipline and money that kept food on the table, us in school, etc, with little emotional time. Still holds true today. I never cry in front of people. I run. I never let anything out unless it's anger, which is not a true emotion. Anger is a mask that we wear. The deep stuff is underneath. The stuff no one cares to see, and are bold enough to say we don't care, in words you never thought you'd hear. Adult and CPS services have no idea what they are saying. Therapy and drugs for me, starting at 12.....never again. What's done is in Pandora's Box now. Never again. Sure, memory and stuff haunts, but I don't have a care in the world now. I was aware then, and am today. I know me. And I am a Nancy Drew, female Dr. Phil, and no nonsense when it comes to me. No nonsense when I defend the boy. Who grew into a heck of a man. No wonder my relationships have fallen flat. The boy is gone. He'd be creaming the adults in my life right about now for dissing me. It's who we were. We were like a gang of two. Ready for war. In our own backyards. The Brain is the key to life. ADD, CP/DID. Brain waves. Brain issues. I don't agree with medical stuff all the time. It changes just like TX weather. You can't keep up. But I go on. Because I know me. I know him. And together, we will be in June Sky dancing for life one day.....forever. Jesus, Satan, Mary, Joseph, Allah, Buddah, Zeus, Athena, Neptune, Posideon, and more. Hell yeah. We bring it. I have no shame in knowing I am a mess. Perfectly Imperfect me. Dude. Yes indeed. And when the Columbine kids and Virgina Tech man and Hitler slam their hands down in June Sky, I'm going to be there. Yes, it all happened. I am a firm believer in all of the history of the world WAY beyond the classrooms, bullying, suicides, and my own experiences with my brother hanging around me. It was how we lived. Telling me now in my 30s it never happened is pure ignorance from Idiots who have no idea who the heck they are dealing with now. Fire! Of course! Mine. Booyah. People think I am scared. Of living and dying. Nope. It's a new adventure! Ciao! :)

Our favorite color....RED. Me and my love. Red hair, green eyes. And yes, we get chased by the TX Paparazzi all the time here. Take pictures for us Susana, we want to remember you....um....am I going somewhere other than Hell that you have said all 33 years so far? Seriously! I don't do that either along with your second best stuff. Dude. And Adult Protective Services says I have no case because verbal words don't count as abuse. Funny. Therapy and Psychatry for 26 years for NOTHING in the Biggest State in the Union. Um.....medications, one hospital stay for four days. Outpatient stuff here and there in Houston. Wow. Really? I'm on my own? Really? You asked me if I was in trouble, and now, you think I'm worse? Really? I would so love to be able bodied for the next 33 years. A job, car, mortgage, man, woman, children, the whole thing. Please. Show me what I am really missing out on. And the stats? Churches say over 50 percent of Americans are divorced. Really? Seriously? Oh and they also look at me saying that it's okay to steal, kill, and destroy me as long as it makes them look good. Bigger and better than me. Then they compare me to Chris Reeve. You're better than him because you're not paralyzed. Be thankful.

Wow. So I walk funny and still can't do anything right, yet I'm better than Chris Reeve? Wow. That's twisted. Totally. Oh and another thing. Sybil was real. Her best friend is now my e-mail condidante. Duh. People are like, oh it was just in a book or a movie. Talk to Sally Field and Joanne Woodward. I promise you.....I am in that cruise ship for life people. I wouldn't go back to the past or fast forward for NOTHING. Every step I take could get me bullied and beaten, murdered even. Texas is Texas after all. Chainsaw Massacre. Andrea Yates from Clear Lake. And the fabulous town of Denton TX where my girlfriend went to music school. Dr. Phil got his Ph.D. from there. And we don't knock Dallas. Emily moved to that city before New York City. And the drive up there years ago.....the best days of my life!

Dude. Not to mention the two FLDS compounds in Waco and West TX. And NOLA next door where my sweet gal dropped her baggage off and gambled at the Craps table at Cushatta baby! Wow.....2004 before moving to The Woodlands here now. I rolled all night. It was fun.

Clean, sober, non addictive. I can have fun guys and gals. I also love stripper poles since I can't do complex yoga. What fun pole dancing is! I can get dizzy and have fun doing it, and costume change like Cher without the guilt! And the clothes....Target all the way!

Nate and his line too. Hello! My new pad is going to have a dash of Nate, a spash of The McGraw family....and some Suze, Oprah, and Bob, Dr. Oz,. Dr. Stork, and the whole TV world. My home grown doctors won't know who the heck I am when I am done morphing again. LOL.

Oh and going from bullied Christian to Atheist.......lovely swap. A break. A chance to see others. Muslim, Mormon, Jew, Greek, French, Euro, Hindu, Buddhist....and my home base, Catholic. 3 years there in school and I swear it was like dealing with Severus Snape only without the nuns! I was the mudblood of the class. Duh. School years were so full of stuff that I was like....wow. So movies that are now being remade like Nightmare on Elm Street are supposed to be what now?

Scary? Freaky? Without Robert Englund? You have got to be kidding me. The guy who replaced Jason said the dumbest thing ever on line. Austin TX summertime was too hot. Latex made me break out. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a guy. You really have no idea what TX heat is like do you then? My goodness. I am allergic to Latex. Gloves, balloons, gummy candies, the whole shebang. Get over it man! TX heat is as close to Hell as you can get!

Now that it's legal to have a gun license and own guns at 21 and over....on university campuses....wow. Here we go Texas. What are we really doing? Can someone tell me? A native who's been here as long as me? Come on.....

Ignorance. Not bliss. Idiots. Lisa Marie Presley. Damn. For real. P!nk. Haven't seen these ladies shows on tour. Probably never will but good grief. Even Beyonce knows where home is. And my rear donated to build homes in Houston when Katrina hit. Give me a break. You can be money poor, but give you over when the time calls. NOLA is my mom's hometown. I'm ready to head that way to pay my respects.

I have military grandfathers and a military dad too. Strict discipline even at 33. Brother died after bootcamp drama. I am lost without him. My angel. Gone. December 17, 2000. Almost 9 years. Somebody's Watching Me by Rockwell. That's us. He's my pal. Still protects me. He's here.

And we LOVE rap music. The boy owned Biggie Smalls, Jam Master J, 2 Pac.....and the boy is with them now. Lucky lucky boy. Died with a boy who was black. They died together in broad daylight. 3:17 PM. If only I had been home hours prior.....I could have talked him out of that motorcycle crash. I could have saved his life. Guess now it's his turn to keep saving mine. From June Sky as we dance among the stars. Love you Scott. Seriously. We were babies together. We grew into the early 20s together and then June Sky called you home. Hugs!

My iPod holds the songs to my life. Each one shows me fully, completely, nothing left to chance. Mystery, unknowns, question mark life, question mark deaths, questions, holes, gaps, things I can't cure. All of it. Movies and TV can't even put down what the music can. Music is first. Movies and TV second. It's how I am. Viitamins, supplements, OTCs now. Pandora's Box holds my past. But I am going to keep moving. Life is life. Valued. Death, valued. Steam, a series on the web by Caryn Johnson, the delightful Whoopi Goldberg, has done something no woman on earth has. Not only did she capture her character, Jodi Quinn, but she also played Nurse Valerie in Girl, Interrupted, my first ever diagnosis. Yes, I see me in the whole cast. A girl who knew she was Interrupted, and needed to face herself. And boy, have I ever. I face life and death all the time. And I am not going to lie down and die because people don't know. Or they want to kill me with words, kindness, and bullying in all forms. Hell? Pure and simple here. Complex? Indeed. Jesus and Satan play Badmitton with me, the Birdie. And yes, I fly over the cukoo's nest with Jack and Angie because by God, they matter to me. Evil and good matter. Philosophy and French, the world as a whole, live, in Technicolor, it matters to ME.

Cerebral Palsy and DID. Surgery after surgery, medications, medical treatments half the universe will NEVER see or do themselves. Yet I sit and watch my friends die. By suicide. I sit and think, damn, another one gone. A human who didn't stand and fight. Took the easy way out. Damn.

Disabled people. Plenty here on Earth and dead too. The dead were close to me. Still are. They move with me. From deep inside. They keep me alive, LIVING. Medical people have no idea what is beyond meds and cutting me open, sewing me up, sending me back out into an institution and mainstreamed world where I am never going to be Able Bodied. Hell. Indeed.

I don't stop. I do it all. The mind and body connection keep moving. My wife is an ER doctor, and damn, this woman knows how to handle life. She doesn't care how sick her patients are. THose she loses still mean something when she gets home to lie with me. My wife loves me. She loves souls. And I walk with her. Through the "How to save a life today" and I lost another patient today. We wed October 10, 1993. I'm never going to know what we will do next, but that's okay. We plan to donate this body to science, and just die in peace one day. And since we went from growing up Christian to Atheist in 33 years time, yippee for us. I no longer allow the religion, sex, and politics to define me. My wife is okay. I am okay. Labels, etc. are what they are. We keep moving.

My cruise ship is full now. Marlee Matlin, Michael J. Fox, Montel Williams, and ME. Incurable optimists. Boom....boom.....Pow. Black Eyed Peas. Theater, music, dance. Me in a nutshell. Broadway, Edward Albee, Stephen Sondheim, Dr. Sidney Berger, UH School of Theater director all 4 years I was there.....Jim Parsons, me, and my buddies. We did it. We can now go on. Be anywhere, anyone, and not give a hoot and holler.

Brave and I Stand by Idina Menzel. Damn what a woman she is. And husband Taye Diggs.....what a true man. Soul man. From The Wild Party, Wicked, RENT, to Private Practice.....this man has me wrapped up in him. And when I discovered his cast.....Amy Breneman, Tim Daly, Tyne Daly's son. Audra MacDonald. I am speechless here. Truly full circle! Judging Amy, Cagney and Lacy, Brady Bunch, Partridge Family, Greatest American Hero, God, TV was my life growing up!

Theater....in the middle of medical crap shoots, I managed to hit the stage. Dance before walking at age 5. Swan Lake and The Nutcracker? Nope. Just dance. My way. My moves. No one to tell me how! Damn this is freedom. My yoga. My dance. My life. Albee. His darkness is my way of being....seeing....Me.

Scripts pile up here. I work for free. Don't care. Just do it. Do what we love. All 20 of my alters. We rock. We love it. ALL of it. We know.....Perfectly Imperfect. Boom. Tick...Tick...Boom! Anything Goes Guys and Dolls! And yes, my RENT as a true Bohemian starts at the end of 2009 in a HUD apartment. Damn this life is rich and wealthy!

Now if you'll excuse me and my DID Posse of 20, we are going to take the CP body and DANCE!!!

I am psyched! Music, movies, TV, DVD worlds. But my passion lies in Foreign languages, new lands, USA areas I have yet to see in my Cerebral Palsy mind with Dissociative Identity Disorder, chronic pain universally, and then some. Why do I love people like Montel Williams, Marlee Matlin, Michael J. Fox, Stevie Wonder, and those who have gone on to June Sky to Dance? Because being Perfectly Imperfect is who we are, and we don't take any shit from a world that says no to us without picking up a book or two, and applying the books to us. I change daily. My brain has been around the block twice in surgery. It's why the DID is connected to the CP. The brain is the main computer for every human and animal. And when it is harmed you do change. And it's not a temporary thing. It's permanent. So....judge me all you want world. I won't change. And yes, being lesbian since age 4 means a ton too, because in 1979, I knew the DID was here. I also had a brother who was born, adopted with me, and we were white trash to the family. Still are. He died 9 years ago. I was the first person to know he was dead, and the only one to see him alive prior to dying. Peaceful. The man is my hero. He still is. In June Sky, dancing, drinking, drugging, being himself. The boy enlisted in 2 boot camps. Army and Marines. Never lived to see Iraq. I knew it's what he wanted. He came home and told me, showed me the ASVAB tests, the uniforms from boot camps, the fears he had. The love and forgiveness, and that stuff still carries us today. Somebody's watching me by Rockwell is our song. When I am scared, verbally hurt by these people here, I know he's with me. He knows labels and stuff don't mean a thing. Abuse is abuse. Big, Small, Indifferent. Damn the medical lands for telling he and I nothing happened and we are okay. I've now been turned down by my local Emergency Room, Adult Protective Services. GAH. So, here I sit. Waiting. For him. He'll be back for me someday. I am his big sis. He'll be back. Till then, he's here now in all the music. 2 Pac, Biggie Smalls, Jam Master J, Dolla, Jamie Foxx, Kanye West, Sean Diddy Combs. The Cosby Family. Yes, my brother and I knew what it meant to be Black and White. Each of our best friends was black. His died with him. My little friend is out there somewhere. I love you, Cindy. Always will. Slaves no more dear. We can rise up. Always always.

Lady Gaga, Lisa Marie Presley, Queen LaTifah, Ellen and Portia, DJ Tony, Melissa Etheridge, KD Lang, Lara Dern. I came out with them. May 19, 1997. 12 years of discrimination. But I know better. Me and my new gal in Motor City will bust a move or two in the end even if union isn't in the cards. We love each other no matter what happens. I don't need a marriage or children to define us. We have each other. Almost Rosey by Tori Amos was the song she sang to me when I was dark. She told me I could go on despite the dozens of suicides in my life that I have had to live through. All my disabled peeps died among those peeps too. Scary as hell to know me and Angie Jolie and TIna are all that's left in this generation. 1900s-1975. Angie is going to be 34 June 4, 2009. Me and Tina will be 34 and 70 on November 26, 2009. And yes, Foxfire and The Best say it all. I'm All of The Above and Below because my life is in Technicolor with Coldplay. New Orelans. Mom's hometown. Life is so rich and weathy that I work for no money. Don't need it. I only need my heart.

Ciao everyone. Listen to Walking In My Shoes by Depeche Mode for a taste of who I am. The live concert video is in here somewhere. 20 alters make sure the music is jammin' out because they are my peeps, Inside Crew, Cooperative State, and Hope for Yes We Can under President Obama. More to come......Theater and Dance, yoga, arial stuff.....gotta go get it! Cheers! <3>

LOL!!!!!!!! Music. This is my world. ME!!! I am my world. Earth? LOL!!!!!!!! I don't know. Seriously. There's so much going on......that I can't even keep up anymore. So, to summarize me....I am Demon Spawn 4, and don't care. I love like no one cares, and DANCE in June Sky among the STARS like no one is watching!!!!!!!!! Welcome to Camp Spawn. This gal can be anything, anywhere....and ANYBODY she wants!!!!!!!! It's called LIVE theater. And I know relgioulous behavior is what it is. They drove me to this point. Satan grabbed me and said...hey, welcome kiddo. Guess the Jesus camp couldn't see you soul up front huh?

No sir. Can I go grab my clear heels and black teddy now?

Sure! I got styles....come take your pick. And Rosemary with baby are here too! Welcome! LOL. I knew all that surgery from the night I was born would pay off!!!! LOL!!!!! Cerebral Palsy and Dissociative Identity Disorder.......LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am Satan's gal! Duh! Any ignorant fool who tells me black slaves, the Holocaust and Hitler don't exist need a check up from the soul up!!!!!!! I got confronted with this last week!!!!! Dude. So I guess if "this stuff didn't happen" That means....Earth.....Never......Happened.....Either!!!!!!!!!!

War......violence.......peace marches.....slaves........etc.......never happened. Even better! That means I don't need to panic, worry or do anything anymore! Skeet skeet skeet!!!!!!!!!!


To write my own L'il Jon Lyrics:

To the window
To the wall
Till the sweat drips from the world's souls!

Till the sweat drips from their souls!
Skeet skeet skeet skeet!!!!!!!!

Now I'm gonna hum Hey Mama, Touch The Sky, and Gold Digger.

Yo. I'm D. All of the above!!!!!!!!

Life is what it is.....and I am going to keep moving. That's all for now. Power outage scheduled for tomorrow here, so LOL for trying to post. C ya.

I am going to be okay. I am okay. This is all I need. I'm taking me, and my DID Posse, and we are leaving to head away on vacation and we have no idea when we will be back. I house them, and they house me. This is more than just camp. We are connected by dots logically for life. We are every Philosopher, every possible ethical decision, every inch of foreign languages, every song, every emotion, every piece of who we are because we know all the pieces add up. Every one adds up to equal something good. It's who we are. Foxfire. We bond like we do because in 1975, on June 4, we became linked with a baby named Angelina Jolie. Then, in 1975, on November 26, we became linked again with a baby named Anna Mae Bullock, who later became stage persona, Tina Turner. This year, the ladies and I will be 34 and 70. And we have survived a lot together. The keys have been similar, indifferent, and not so nice, but togeether, I know I am okay witih these women by my side....deep inside who we are......US.

Love Lady Gaga. She summarizes TX like no one else in the music world. Seriously. The Fame CD says it all....TX is the biggest state in the union anyway. LOL!!!!