Melissa and I are enjoying the night. Kellie has had her rant with us, and Ker-Ber is looking for London tix for all of us....vacation should work out nicely....Kel is just stressed. Can't say we blame her. I am the body that houses my crew....headaches are common, meds OTC, yadda yadda. We would never go back in time to scripts ever....money is not here anymore. And knowing insurance for dad would run out....big choices had to be made. When Ike hit, I went off all scripts cold turkey. The experience was enlightening. Yes, that's what I said. I learned that heroin addicts are to be embraced while struggling....don't diss us on any drug. Bad bad news.

Jumping through mental health hoops for a grand total of 26 years was not cool. 20 years of therapy from ages 12-32, in Network, and out of Network. Good grief. Everyone thought I brought the CP, DID stuff on me, and it's my fault that relationships at large are falling apart. Um.....we all play a role in America......and when the professionals walked over the lines of boundaries and blamed me....I was fuming. Yes....PTs, OTs, and Pyschologists met me off site for coffee, dinner, movies.....and confused us all to bits. Then, when I stood accused of being a bad social partner the weeks following, I simply walked away.......and let insurance and co-pays go to hell with the professionals.

Why get my family attorney involved? The stuff is gone.

If I start over, at age 33 now.......and that's a huge if......the lines will be drawn in the sand.

And it didn't matter if the PTs, OTs, or therapists had any level of degree.....from bottom level to top, I was in a dark place. One minute, it's my fault, and the next, we are in a bar having dinner.

Are you following this? Don't think I don't want help.....I just don't trust the pros and others to aid me here at all. All relationships are in the toilet. Flat affect, drugs, street drugs, booze, partying, loud everything, and even sex and violence.....yeah, we got it all in here in The Mansion. This is real, normal, and I don't care what people do to me. OR and ER mean nothing anymore....been there, done it since birth, and hope more comes. Going under means an MD is in charge of making sure I live. See? Be responsible. Women are from Venus....and you men are from Mars. Get over your stupid ways with me.....and women......stop hounding me because a man raped me and you let him go.

Jack Nicholson and Angelina Jolie mean the world to me. It's part of my life that one can see in One Flew Over The Cukoo's Nest and Girl, Interrupted. And yeah, Sybil with Sally Field was my key to knowing who I am minute to minute. A Beautiful Mind......a birthday gift......talk about bold statement.

Any movie that talks of the psyche.....bring it on......

Sybil
Girl, Interrupted
A Beautiful Mind
United States of Tara
One Flew Over The Cukoo's Nest

Others from Miss Angie from our year of birth in 1975....we share a birthday with Tina Turner too. Me and Tina.....November 26. And they named a hurricane after her ex......surreal. Next year, I hope they name one Tina......so she can do justice for us all.

Whoopi Goldberg has shown her true genioos too in Stream on FearNet.com. She plays a woman in her 50s and you see past, present, and future all on one screen. Dude. Brilliant.

And before Melissa and I go.....we want to thank all of you for not fully grasping us and such....because this is a day thing......day by day......and we never know what to expect here. 30 years in 2009 and counting.......

Cheers.

Susana