Scared as all get out today after meeting with new OBGYN. Ordering tests in 6 weeks. *Cries in fear and with tremendus relief after life threatening Cymbalta reaction and 3 trips to St. Luke's Woodlands ER now.* New docs will be OBGYN and Baclofen Pump doctor in Houston TX an hour away. So messy at this time because Pump is not giving me any meds at all, and swelling is massive in arms, legs, back, and torso. OMGoodness....scary as Hell right now. We have NO idea why because the hospital x-ray was inconclusive. Currently taking Oral Baclofen and Flexeril to offset Pump while Tuesday comes next week. Faxed a ton of paperwork today. Not sure if appointment is a go because the folks on the other end are not following through. *Shudders* Could be serious if we need OR stat to ER replace Pump in 3 years vs. 6 in 2012. Next Pump refill due July 21st if we deem this even possible given the Cymbalta caused the Pump to stop the flow of medication in my catheter from the access port. Oy vey!

Clinic is on the ball with OBGYN for Hormone Replacement Therapy. Baclofen Doctor team on standby for Tuesday June 30th at 10 AM in Houston TX. Neurology and Family Practice still in progress. Haven't met them face to face yet, and could pose HUGE problems if we wait to scan brain for lack of vision movement with eyes, lack of visual fields in reading, seeing light and dark, etc. BAD news! CP Physical functioning similar to Spastic Quad CP with SEVERE tightness universally in body. Feel like Mark Massaro and I know he's looking down shaking his head now....this is SO WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Headaches and overall pain shot up to 10 this entire time. Blood Pressure was 158/85 and Pulse 92 before OBGYN re-checked vitals today. No way I am dying for HUMAN RACE. Jesus is on His own there. Heaven and Hell are not my problem anymore. Too exclusive for this gal to even touch. She's going to dance in June Sky among the stars for the rest of her life....Nuff said. Sex. Religion. Politics. Off the radar screen should you choose to judge me and make a stink about me in any way. I mean it folks. This life is CHANGING and you can't have me. In life, or even in death. Lawyer is on call. Will work out things medical and donate body to science when I pass on to June Sky. At least my corpse can be seen for medical knowledge in the ME's office first before heading to the Cadaver Lab. Been there, and appeciate life and death, so get off my back for good, or run with me always. This is All or Nothing and I will not wait and change for you. You don't deserve me. And I don't dserve you. We are even, and I am uttering Wizard Chess Chckmate now. The DID Posse and I have WON the war. Boom Boom Pow. I Believe in my own self love, and I know I can move on without you because I am just too good for you all in the able bodied world you made me live in as a rainbow trout in your mainstreamed goldfish pond.

If you want death.....go talk to OJ, Andrea Yates, and other people I know got the easy way out of their stuff of life. Death penalty is a choice and I am for it in murder cases. You kill, you die. Case closed. You commit suicide, you head to Pergatory. Heaven and Hell are too damn exclusive for my Diva Blood.

Nuff said. Goodbye for now. Kiss my rear end if you think you will ever know this ever changing 26 week preemie who was born on the 26th night of the 11th month of the year 1975 with Angelina Jolie. Tina Turner is my birthday blessing. Don't need a male alpha and male omega to tell me where to stick my butt any longer. I am Seriously moving on, and I Seriously Don't Do Second Best under Grey's Anatomy's wings. And Michael Jackson sang to me today while getting my medical records so for those who think music doesn't save a life......kiss my ass.

Back to DANCE, YOGA, THEATER, and my STORY on LIVE STAGE. Susana: Light And Dark by the amazing Edward Albee, Dr. Sidney Berger, and my Cougar Pride team at University of Houston Main while living in Bates Hall with Norman all the time. Law was across the way. No joke. Down the road is Moody Towers. Ya think? No coincidences here folks. Ciao! Cougars ROAR and WOMEN ROAR because I am SIMPLY THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hurricane TIna will be in my radar screen this season because we survived Ike so hey, bring her out here! Duh.......

I am going to SHINE with P!nk and Lisa Marie because Susana Marie is going back to be with Elvis and Amazing Grace with her brother handing her Dos Equis, Pot, Beer, Wine, Gin and Vodka, and The Meth/Ecstay combo Erin Go Braugh LOVES.

Amber Lynn is drunk again. Bottle hugging gal on my heart. No cures for CP/DID combo so back off. My Posse of 20 is in da house for good here. Gotta RAVE on.....and Pole Dance like Somebody's Watching me by Rockwell, and hey, music is FUN!

I'm Cosy in The Rocket now. Blast Off! Susana and The Posse are outta here! <3>

Enjoy Haaven and Hell you all. It's your perogative. I can't do a thing for you. I can only do what I can for me. Responsible, accountable, and Crucified Daily with Tori Amos singing my song to me.

Why do We
Crucify ourseleves with CP/DID
Every Day?
Nothing we do is good enough for you
We Crucify Ourselves for you
Every Day
We are wrapped up in your
CHAINS
Oh oh oh
CHAINS
Oh Oh Oh
Why do we
Crucify Ourselves
Every Day?

And for my idiot rapist and those who think I am still a pathological Liar

Listen to this one by Tori and go jump off a cliff.

Silent All These Years

Followed by Almost Rosy that my new long distance girlfriend sang to me as she stayed in Motor City for all you gay hating discrimiatiting fools who diss me and think the guy who raped me was going to make me his wife and baby momma. Don't you get me by now? Gay, White, CP/DID, Atheist Philosopher, PROUD, and really sick of your crap shoot ways of dealing with me as if I am still a weak six year old who deserves your shit.

YOU have issues too. Savage Inequalities by Jonathan Kozol. Fly a kite and make sure you have your life in perfect order before you ever diss me again. Phone, Internet, Snail Mail, and BS other ways.....get over me.

Take me baby......or LEAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes I'm Leavin! I'm GONE! RENT ROCKS! Mimi has LIT her CANDLE and Angel is gonna Cover YOU! Booyah. Edward Albee is a GENIOUS which you can't see....80 and STILL the BEST WORLD playwright EVER! My 3 Tall Zoo Story Women Agree that Our American Dream is going to happen when my white Authentic Self takes her Fictional Self and Age and Body/Mind Connection to her new apartment where she owes NO ONE ANYTHING EVER and you don't either with cheap talk, stupid cult actions in the Bible Bad Lands, and crap shoot ideas for my life.

It's my life
It's now or never
Cuz I ain't gonna Live Forever
Might as Well Live while I'm ALIVE
Cuz It's MY LIFE!

C ya!

Susana N' The Posse of 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You Are Not Alone Susana
I am here with you
Foever In your heart
We will never be apart

America you make me want to SCREAM! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Moonwalk? YES I CAN! Dance! I'm A THRILLER! Who's BAD? Billie Jean's not my lover. She's just a girl.....who said that I am the one....and the child's not my son!
Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and your families and your version of the HUMAN RACE
There are
People DYING
Like ME
And if you care enough for the LIVING
Make this world a better place for YOU and Your PEEPS.

You and Your PEEPS
You And Your PEEPS

Heal the world you live in
Save it for your children
Heal the world YOU live in
Save it for your children

I'm Dangerous and I'm gonna JAM!

Cause I'm Black and White
Life in TECHNICOLOR oh yeah yeah yeah!

Tell me what is HUMAN NATURE?
Gay, Gay...GLBT deserves BETTER
Gay....Gay....This is my TRUE self so thank you
Gay Gay Cause I'm living this way
I'm feeling this way
Oh.....My way..........

Peace! :)