Dear World

Dear World full of anger.....sorrow, and money BS......

Today I fought with family. My best friend from Oregon was on the phone all day making sure I was fine. Locked me and him in the bathroom...while family beat on the door. Ran for cover later. Hid. Escaped. Fought back. WON. Devils handed me $40 in cash to pay rent and I haven't moved out yet, so I took the cash and used it to pay the cell bill this month. Hahaha.....$40 and the bill is only $27. Who cares? The Devils can keep that stuff. This Demon Spawn 4 is going to move out, move on, and they can keep their fears. Grow up! Be mature! Calm down. Shut Up! Tounge wagging. Stop smacking! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

I have Type 1 Herpes you idiots! And NO I won't take Valtrex cuz it'll KILL me!

Oh....Shut up, and leave now.

Your meds are free with Medicaid! Shut up!

My Pump was RAISED idiots! I can't go any higher! Talk to the doctors! Or not!

Shut up Susana! Shut UP NOW!

Charlie Brown teachers voice in my ears....wah wah wah wah wah..........

Dinner and more of the same.....wah wah wah wah wah......

Shower. The Posse and I plan the next day. Pump gets filled July 9, 2009 at 1 PM in Houston. 500 Milligrams. 79.35 Mcgs a day. BITE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And....since any drug with the ingredient Acetomenaphen is gonna tank....Oxycontin is gonna KILL my body with the Baclofen Pump! Don't bother holding a damn funeral memorial for Susana Marie May. Don't do it. Theater, French, Philosophy will see my checks run dry and I'll send my body to the Houston and Pasadena morgues for transfer to the Cadaver lab school where I took A&P. Texas School of Medicine in Pasadena. I never passed out or got the sickies the whole damn course. Stayed till the end. Dropped. Left. Science. Life. CP, hospitals, ERs. ORs, Mental Ward for 4 days in 2004. Now? Medicaid BS because Amerigroup LIED again about who my providers are.....the night before the damn appointment. Oh the girl who booked you didn't know we don't take your plan. Sorry. We have to cancel. But first, I'd like your history.

Rolls eyes. Seriously. Stuff won't ever change. History. America, the world with me in it. It won't change. I do. Daily. And yes, World, You're Not Sorry. Anymore. I won't pick up the phone. This is the last straw. There's nothing left to beg for and live for. Nothing. I'm leaving. I am Fearless. Bye. I am going to LIVE my own Love Story now. Single Lady putting her own ring on with Diva heels, the clothes, and all that, turning up the radio, Sweet Dreaming, Video Phoning....Houston and New Orleans. What you said? Susana ain't no diva with her 99 Problems and wars won each day in the 33 years of LIFE and DEATH so far? Whatever. C ya. We outta here....Can't Touch This.

Take care. If you dare, double dare, or even risk your life.....for Death, Heaven, and Hell YOUR way......because I have LIVED it all....and in 33 years, I'll be 66.....elderly. In Satan's camp. All grown up. For YOU. You're not sorry. You're just afraid I won't be what YOU want. Like MJ, Chris Reeve, Scott May, Jade McCrary, Matt Powell, Mark Massaro, and the others on earth. Montel Willams, Michael J Fox, Stevie Wonder, Marlee Matlin......and our dear Angels....Maya Angelou, Toni Morrison, Dana Owens who is Queen LaTifah, Lisa Marie Presley, her family, P!nk, and Taylor Swift, Melissa Etheridge, and Annie Lennox. Sure, Broken Glass and Why? Keep It Simple Sweetheart. Because I AM....Diva Susana.....Lesbian, Rainbow, CP/DID, and Perfectly Imperfect......Wizard Chess Dear Old Shizz? Check MATE! :)