Dear World

Dear World,

Please give me a place to go where I can do more than just be in survival mode. I am American. And I have a lot to deal with, but I am not proud of this nation I have been born into nor am I pleased with the people here that turned me inside out in the first 33 years of my life and call it my fault, justice, and use sick verbal and non verbal BS to prove I am wrong.....Always. World, I am not dead....just floating. Mainstreamed one minute and disabled, white, gay female the next. Double life is HARD as HELL. I want to stop. I know people are dead all around me. I have been there. To too many endings. Too many weddings for straight people. Too many funerals for disabled and gay people. Too many Jesus centered events, boxed in to all the stuff this life brought me. Too much up and down....not enough soft places to fall. And Toxic relationships with parernts, family, and so called friends are killing me from the inside. My 6 Gods are tired of trying to make the mainstreamed Idiots understand me any longer. Oh and just in case you don't get it...I am not a wuss who plans to kill herself like all the classmates that chose to take this low road and send all their notes via the mailbox before the damn Internet even came to pass. 1975-2009....used to be ethical and stuff, used to be safe for some, never for me and brother who died in front of my face with ADD. Stupid people. Call us weak and crazy. He's DEAD. But not dead to me. Living and here as I write.....like The Shining. Only in Albee terms. Live Theater. All me. The Marine will be proud, and we will wear our Halo from Hollywood in June Sky FOREVER and Dance because the world here in human form doesn't care. And they never will as far as we both know. And I'm tired of doing the stuff I am doing thinking these people will change and learn and get it. But dying is not an option. I fail and succeed because HUMAN flesh and bone and souls do this. Screw the humans that murder. Animals and people. Life has BS and good things. Logic and common sense will guide idiots to let them know this if they get out of the bubbles they are in. And let Chris Reeve know this Super Woman is keen on his Super Man. Compare me, contrast me, and I'll show you his way of dealing with people like us. Disabled. Not able to be stupid able bodied idiots, and proud to be different. I love me. Gay, white, disabled, Super Woman. Kill me if you want. Your choices, your consequences. Toxins are in and out. Mob and mafia rub em out. World you are Technicolor, ALL And Nothing. And Michael Jackson is my hero. Just like Hollywood. Real life can't be trusted. I leave because i can. New apartment. New life. No more BS. CSI NY will make sure that never happens again. Verbal, non verbal......whatever they call it in real life BS forms that make psychology and psychiatry as twisted as the day I got to the planet, which was November 26, 1975 at 9:35 PM in Houston TX. When The Heartache Is Over, me and Tina and Angelina are running away....and we are never coming back. Peace world. Peace.